


Feels Like Infinity

by morepopthanpunk



Category: One Direction (Band)
Genre: Angst, Fights, Infinity, M/M, Recreational Drug Use, Sharing a Bed, Song fic, aka louis smokes outside, bc das cute, harry and louis songwriting, larry angst
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-09-27
Updated: 2015-09-27
Packaged: 2018-04-23 18:00:47
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,799
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/4886359
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/morepopthanpunk/pseuds/morepopthanpunk
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>one step closer to being two steps far from you</p>
            </blockquote>





	Feels Like Infinity

**Being in love makes time stretch out forever.**

**It’s the best feeling in the world when you’re happy.**

**But not this time… not when you’re at your darkest.**

**Until one of you can bring it back- you’re set to suffer for what feels like infinity.**

**~**

Trying to catch your breath is hard in itself, a task not made any easier by fighting with the love of your life, watching the bridge of trust fade between you instead to be replaced by a passion so fiery you have no choice but to stand back and keep your guard up.

There’s a very real fear that everything can come crashing down… but you try not to think about that. You need to breathe, you need to stay with them, just so that in the heat of it all, you don’t lose them.

Louis isn’t focused on this at all. He’s furious, he can feel his chest puffing out and his ego inflating with each insult that flies from between his lips. Words become a drug not intoxicating him but empowering him. It was as if a part of him knew that he could say anything and the situation between him and Harry would remain the same regardless.

In any other situation the younger boy would have rested a hand on his shoulders and grounded him, lips pressing against his and molding to them, a rhythm soon established that matched the steady pounding of their hearts, but not this time.

Louis rolled his eyes, he gasped and sighed; bitter sarcasm the main ingredient of each breath and bit the inside of his cheek, all in an attempt not to slap the boy in front of him, speaking too slowly, with too many words. Normally it was endearing but now he couldn’t cope.

Louis took a step forward and his eyes darkened. His features didn’t soften like they normally did upon admiring the boy he’d grown so fond of. He was old enough to be called a man, but at times like this he never acted like one. He inhaled deeply, very tempted to raise a hand on him. But he didn’t. He would never. But Harry, in his desperate attempt to catch his breath and properly look at the situation, he let the fear overwhelm him. His breath hitched in his throat in between desperate hyperventilated gasps and he stumbled backwards, breaking eye contact and fumbling with his hands. Who knew that the one step Louis took forward would bring him closer to being two steps further away from the one he loved most in the world.

So Louis turned on his heel and walked. Away. He didn’t care where he was going or how he was going to get there- probably destined to merely sit on the balcony and smoke his problems away but it was better than standing and watching the boy in front of him, expecting for a cryptic emotional reply Louis simply didn’t have the time or patience to wait for.

Harry walked to the opposite side of the flat. Towards a window to stare out, given that Louis had claimed the balcony. It’s like he was frozen, but the world kept turning around him. He was stuck to remember an endless loop of the situation that just played out in front of him, with no available escape for him. He tried to break it, occupy his mind with something else- remember what he loved about Louis. This was something he’d do when things got tough. It was so easy to remember little things he’d fallen in love with, but not this time. Harry thought about Louis and immediately his mind jumped to his eyes. He remembered watching as Louis’ eyes quite quickly lost the shimmer that he normally possessed- an obvious eagerness for life embodied in them, instead to be replaced by a menacing cruelty- a look easy to kill with. But when Louis’ lost his sparkle, so did Harry’s. With the tears that began to fall, so did any remaining strength Harry thought he had left.

Why were things so harsh now? They’d had fights before but this was so different. Their last fight they were determined to work through no matter how awkward or tense things became. They resolved to at least sleep in the same bed.

Louis had a nightmare that night. He was scared of losing Harry even if on a conscious level he was unwilling to admit it. He pictured him dying and it being completely Louis’ fault. He pictured their last scene together being a fight and Louis couldn’t cope with that idea, the memory set to haunt him forever. He felt broken. He felt terrible. He woke up in a sweat, yet desperate not to disturb Harry. He glanced down at him and brushed back his hair ever so gently. Despite all the anger and frustration, god he loved him. Whipping out a pen and paper from the nightstand to his right, he tightly gripped the pen in his hand, as if that could absorb the pain he felt. He glanced up at the night sky above him and the lyrics crafted themselves from the steady ink flow.

_How many nights does it take to count the stars?_   
_That’s the time it would take to fix my heart_   
_Oh, baby, I was there for you_   
_All I ever wanted was the truth, yeah…_

He thought about how he just wanted Harry to talk to him and it ended up like this… With that thought and the lingering lyrics on his mind, pen still in hand, Louis allowed himself to slowly drift off to sleep.

Harry wasn’t really sleeping. He was slipping in and out of a lucid dream state that he couldn’t shake. Thinking it was later than it actually was, not bothering to check the colors of the sky beyond their curtains, he leaned over and pressed a kiss to Louis’ forehead. A stolen kiss in an attempt to bring some warmth back into their relationship. Like a lot of things Harry did, it could end up going unnoticed. Harry was going to sing something to Louis, or get up and make him breakfast, but as his eyes inspected Louis’ peaceful state, they rested upon the paper beneath Louis’ hand.

He read the lyrics and nodded slowly, re-reading it a few times, before it fully registered.

Broken hearted. Was that really how Louis felt? What had he said? What had he done…

Harry prised the pen from his boyfriend’s hand and slowly easing the paper out for an easier access, began to add lyrics of his own, the feelings too strong to ignore.

_How many nights have you wished someone would stay?_   
_Lay awake only hoping they’re okay_   
_I never counted all of mine_   
_If I tried, I know it would feel like infinity…_

That’s certainly how Harry felt. He wished Louis would just realise that Harry lay awake at night wondering, caring so desperately to know that Louis was alright, no matter what he’d done or what had slipped out. Harry almost drifted off to sleep, knowing that he spent more nights wishing Louis would stay instead of working to strengthen their relationship to ensure he would. But he didn’t sleep.

“Hey, hey, babycakes. Wake up, I have an idea.”

Harry shook Louis awake, not caring what time it was or how little sleep the both of them had gotten. He had an idea and he needed to share. Begrudgingly slipping on socks so as not to freeze to death upon walking along the floorboards, Louis slowly made his way towards the kitchen. Harry followed very soon after, immediately reaching up to grab two cups and make tea for Louis. Louis sat, paper and pen resting upon the table in front of him. He watched the lyrics written, as if they’d evolve into something more the more he observed the difference in their handwriting- the way their emotions could be easily looped into words.

Harry was talking. Louis figured if he wanted to keep a strong relationship, he should try to pay attention. Drowning out the various lyrics and the way they could be sung in his head, he tuned back into what Harry was saying.

He was mentioning chord progressions and instruments and ways the lyrics could work. As Louis’ vision cleared up, the sounds of Harry’s voice increased,Louis could see he was coming closer. One hand passed Louis a steaming cup of tea, exactly the way Louis liked, with all the adjustments Harry knew only after years of making tea for him. His hair was ruffled before the younger, yet taller boy took his seat at the table- opposite Louis with a smile upon his face. It was as if the two could push past their arguments and bond over their mutual passion for writing lyrics and crafting music. The small slip of paper was eventually to be covered in ridiculous notes and annotations but it was something and it was theirs; something to love built from a short-lived hatred.

Harry shook himself from the near trance he was in, remembering how perfectly their last fight had turned out. Well, not so perfectly considered they were here and this was worse than any other. He was still crying, still regretting everything that had gone down between them. He procured a piece of paper from a drawer in the kitchen and once more, like last time remembered those lyrics, remembered the way he felt, and managed to complete more of the song. This time, writing what Louis had written before- the line about fixing his heart and how like attempting to count all the stars in the sky, he’d be doomed for an infinity.

Louis is still bitter. Doesn’t help he can taste it on his tongue as well with the tar of the infinitesimal cigarettes he’s smoked coating his lungs an almost palpable feeling. Turning his head back towards Harry, checking on him, unable to resist, he saw his head bent over a journal, pen in hand, moving quickly back and forth. A flashback overwhelming him, a memory flooding his senses, Louis couldn’t resist taking out his phone and jotting down the first lines that came to mind. Sure enough they were Harry’s. The impossibility to count how many nights he’d sacrificed, like this one, just awake wondering if Harry were okay. Louis can’t really look at the stars anymore without realising that the boy he left brokenhearted on the other side of their apartment was looking up at the same sky.

He blows out a cloud of smoke attempting to obscure his vision and blur his mind, but the time it takes for his thoughts to finally go away… it feels like an infinity…

**Author's Note:**

> ahh thank you for reading  
> hope you liked :)   
> also you can find me at morepopthanpunk.tumblr.com


End file.
